I was having a bad day a few days previously. I bottle things up a lot you see, I guess we can all be guilty of glossing things over sometimes but I think I have done that maybe a little too much in the past. I am trying to be more honest about my feelings which can be hard when you are always putting your family first and just making do yourself. With some help from my friends I am getting a handle on this now and clearing away the debris. Aren't friends wonderful

When I was feeling very low about it all, I wote this and was asked if I might share it. I couldn't get out vocally all the pent up emotions I was feeling at the time, so this encapsulates the moment. Thankfully I am feeling much happier now.



I am a rock, I don’t look like a rock but I might as well be one
The water has washed over me, the wind has battered me, and the sun has shone down on me
But I am still sitting here in the sand on the beach looking like nothing has ever happened
Just a little more erosion on the surface but nothing else going on, just wear and tear

I wish I was a sea sponge or a bit of smelly seaweed instead
At least then I would stay wet when it had rained and people would know I had been touched
And when the sun had shone I would be brittle and course when I’d dried out
And when the wind blew I would be nudged and blown across the sand to somewhere else

And as time passes and the sponge and seaweed rot and die away
I will still be sitting here on the beach, just a little more erosion on the surface but nothing else going on, just wear and tear

And one day someone picks me up because I’m round and smooth and puts me in their pocket
And I travel further than the seaweed and the sponge and I am called ‘beautiful stone’ and placed upon the dressing table where I sit with shells and jewels
And although I am a rock I cry with joy but no-one sees


love and light

Oh my god thats beautiful I love it, did you write it?

We are funny creatures us humans

I once thought i was strong and that nothing could nock me down or faze me, boy was i ever wrong.

I remember going to the doc and him putting me on prozac (spelling ) I told him that im not the type to get depressed and he ask me 'what is the type?'

that was when i started to put my life in order, i realised i couldnt make an unrealistic list of things to do in the morning and expect them ALL to be done by the end of the day.

i no longer allowed myself to play slow sad music and stopped watching and reading the news.

I started to tell people if what they said upset me instead of going home and festering on every minute detail and why im such a bad person that someone feels they can treat me that way blah blah blah

AND i started shouting and showing i was annoyed instead of holding it all in my belly.

I remember washing up with Ian and i raised my voice to him he looked at me in shock horror and said 'whats the matter with you!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

my reply was 'your not the only one thats allowed to get the hump you know'

VICTORY - short but sweet.

So what im saying is look at your life and what makes you sad or low and do the opposit play upbeat music, not helpful when meditating, only do one job at a time and when thats finished then think what shall i do now (over a cup of tea of course) and tell people that your no longer a door mat or whatever - but the trick is stick to it, otherwise they just slip back into the old ways of treating you like your just not really there.

Probably totally off topic but there you go

Back to work for me

Thanks Sue, yes that's my work. It was one of those times when I just got so frustrated that I couldnt cry at all, I just dried up and I thought to myself 'might as well be made of stone here' and the poem just oozed out onto the paper. I didn't realise until after I posted it just how many layers there were to it. The words just tumbled out so fast I didn't give it much thought.

I think now that I have put my feelings down on paper it has helped me to move on from that time, which was what I was trying to do when I 'froze', so it's all worked out in the end.

Sue,

Your doctor was right "what is the type?", I must admit I was a bit like you until 21years ago after having my daughter, while pregnant I went to all the anti-natal classes and the week they discussed post-natal depression I listened and thought to myself this will never happen to me, not feet on the ground me, well that was one lesson I learnt the hard way never say never, I had my daughter and everything was wonderful for the first 9 months of her birth and then *WALLOP*, down I went, I thought I was going out of my mind, tiny little things that were so easy became enormous tasks, I had gone from this sure and confident person into this quivering wreck who could not make a decision for myself, but with help I got through it not I may add an awful lot from the medics although they do play a part for some people for me it just didn't fit to well taking medication it upset my whole system even worse than it was, for me it was turning to meditation that helped me more than anything.

I also think that when you open up to a holistic lifestyle and working with spirit it makes you look at thing in a different light, and yes it is better to tell people if they upset you that this is the case instead of as you say festering over it later on and thereby making yourself ill as the person or people who have upset you are non the wiser and go on as though nothing has happened, better to clear the air I always think now, people sometimes think we should be all sweetness and light and yes we should send out love and light but if you are being upset by someone you should tell them and say it with love " I still love you but this has upset me" .

CF,

As you know it is when you open up to spirit and begin to really look inside, it makes you look at things in a different light, you see how your life really is and whereas perhaps you were happy to go along that route once upon a time, now that you are changing you start to see thing that are not to your liking and want to change them, I also think that it is in the changing that we look at some part of ourselves that we have kept hidden that we have locked away and it brings those things out into the open for in getting rid of these things we are then emptying ourselves to become filled with enlightenment there is space so to speak to be filled with new and exciting things and yes sometimes in the emptying process it can be very emotional as we letting go of old habits and old emotions and again maybe one or two things which need to be dealt with before we can move forward but it is good to get rid of these things to be able to say I have dealt with that it is gone now instead of carrying it around with you like heavy baggage, and there are time when we think we have dealt with things and *SLAP, BANG, WALLOP*, there it is again staring you right in the face, or even things that we do not realise we need to deal with come up it is all part of the cleansing and yes we might get tearful and it is in the tears that the healing process and the cleansing take place, but to call yourself a stone, no my dear sweet friend I would never call you a stone in the context that you have no feelings, you are that beautiful stone that is sitting among the shells and precious objects, the one that glistens in the dark so that others can see your light, so go forward and let that light shine

Love, light & blessings

Laughing BlossomXXX

Dear CF,

How beautiful...

You wrote - " Just a little more erosion on the surface but nothing else going on, just wear and tear"

That isn't erosion, nor wear and tear, but the smoothing away of the rough spots in life. until as you also wrote...

"And one day someone picks me up because I’m round and smooth and puts me in their pocket
And I travel further than the seaweed and the sponge and I am called ‘beautiful stone’ and placed upon the dressing table where I sit with shells and jewels
And although I am a rock I cry with joy but no-one sees
love and light"

With a deep appreciation for the 'rock people', you have given me a new a lovely insight into their reason for sharing their healing energy with we, the two legged people. We are rough around the edges. As we open to enlightenment, learning, remembering, what ever name we may choose, we find ourselves surprised that we have come further than we ever dreamed of.

One of my favorite stones is not much to look at. It does not sparkle, my Mom found her some where unknown, but she has passed to me. It has the feel of river rock, maybe a stream, smooth, dark in color but oh, so happy it is.

Thank you CF...

Love, hugs and many blessings,

Bright Star

CF

Way to go hun

Cant add much really except to agree with the others in regards to be smoothed out...

I know something of the work you are going through and the opening up that is happening..

GO WITH THE FLOW hun

We all have Good days...we all have Bad days...but after some pain and heartache as we go inside and clear the debris..the Good will outway the bad...

Just my thoughts!

CF

I am so glad you posted your poem, it is beautiful